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Resignation letter
i got this from my local LUG and thought it was funny...
There are many tips on how to write resumes. But how about this for a
resignation letter... (An actual letter sent by a fed up U.S employee
in Port Huncliff, New England)
Mr. Baker,
As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few
very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superior
shares an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel.
After your consistent and annoying harassment of myself, and my
co-workers during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise
that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.
Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of
everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not
only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was
hired because I know about Unix, and you were apparently hired to
provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly
attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the
hundredth time. You will never understand computers. Something as
incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You
will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try
and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as
effective as telling you what an IP is.
Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk
around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others.
You have a sharp-dressed, useless look about you that may have worked
for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility,
you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover
for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you
are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at.
Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.
Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a
full frontal lobotomy, I am forced to tender my resignation, however
I have a few parting points.
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal
to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is
"I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over
the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would
be unable to do it on your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I
know every password you have used for the last five years. If you
decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list",
which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless
files. I believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed
favorably by the administration.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your
mothers b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take
pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase
them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have
never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that
those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring
of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check
please, I hate having to correct your dumb mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on
my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow, not ONE minute later. One word of this
to anybody and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will
be open to the public. Never mess with your systems administrators,
because they know what you do with all your free time.
Sincerely,
__________________
Is it me or does the word abbreviation seem a little long?
registered user #193524 with the Linux Counter,
http://counter.li.org
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