IT WORKS, IT WORKS!!! I ACTUALLY GOT SOMETHING TO WORK!
sorry for the all caps but you don't know how happy I am. If I wasn't so sure you're a man I'd offer to kiss you.

All these years I've been using that as the exponent operator in my programs. The only question is how did it get stucky in my head that way? Probably Qbasic.
IT WORKS!